Street love – I do not date in the hood for a reason.


Written by Macoww and Fana The Purp

This thing of courtship is quiet complicated, as it requires a lot of time, patience, understanding, and communication. Which we hear more often than not is the most important ingredient to a successful relationship. I am not a relationship expert so I will not continue with what I think makes a relationship work or fall apart.

However, what I do know for sure that u ku jola at a street corner will not make a relationship work. One of the main reasons I broke with my ex boyfriend was because 80% of our relationship was spent at some street corner. Judge me all you like; call me petty, mara a ke na taba Shem.

I completely stopped dating in hood because of u ku checka, I was lazy and not comfortable with the whole concept – too much admin, at that time I was a dog on heat so I had numbers and I was clumsy. Thus checking one girl was like stepping on a land mine linked to five others, I could not afford to do such.

Part of the reason as I stated earlier for ending the relationship was because my ex – the sweetest, cutest, most humble guy I met would not, could not and did not want to take me to his house. Think he feared his mom, but for someone who had an outside room, surely it would have been easier for us to chill at his backroom right?

Living with my mom pushed me to date outside the hood; I had to date girls with their own places. One could not get laid at home, or even chill with a girl as the prison warder did not take any BS. Now imagine having to stand at a street corner, listen to this loud mouth for a good hour or two yet I could not lay her, as I did not have a slaughterhouse. All this work no compensation, talk of the hugging, touching, and the kissing, resulted in endless torture, at that time I am an extremely horny teenager. I could not take walking home with an erection and later on suffer from blue balls.

Many of us have experienced having stood at a corner with your boyfriend or girlfriend because for some reason or the other he or she could not take you to his or her house unless the parents had vacated the house. But imagine how annoying and how many awkward moments were experienced because ne le eme le jola di khoneng? You could not hug without attracting too much attention from onlookers and those peeping through their windows because le eme pavementing tsa bona or on their grass, even though grass is rare in the hood.

At that time, you are not in good terms with the resident dudes of where your girlfriend stays, or she has a crazy brother who does not want to see you with her. Without an option, you have to go see her rocking sneakers all the time; you will never know when it is time to run. While you enjoying yourself, parents and jerks with cars hit you with a bright light, get home and your eyes are painful. 

There is also no privacy at all at a street corner, you could not kiss nor hold hands, you get where I am going with this ne? Like imagine after a long day at work, let us assume you work at pick n pay as a cashier and you have been on your feet the whole day, then you must stand le brother ko knoneng for another hour or two. He cannot offer you feet massage because where on earth will you sit, on the dusty pavement, Hell no. He cannot offer you a drink, get this honey, they do not offer glasses at a street pavement, nor do they offer drinks.

Nothing was irritating as a “tuu-tuu” “please call whereu?”, when you check the time is 7pm, you relaxed just had a meal, your favorite sitcom is about to start and you are bonding with your mother, eish! Why me Jesus, it is clear you coming back at 8-9pm and you might encounter a repossession stunt with some vandals.

Kamo ke bo makhelwane, little children playing in the streets, cars passing by, you get the picture mos? And you know Mme smang mang will be side-eying you with that “sies umtwana ka Moagi se ka ya jola” as she walks past you with her bags of groceries as she heads home from work and best believe she will tell your grandparents or parents that o go bone o jola!

Now check, with four seasons, you have to be victim of its conditions year after year – mosquitoes, the wind, the cold, and the heat etc. -a man’s skin can endure so much, I had to give in and venture into new territories.

If you had strict parents, you would have to pick your location very carefully. You would have to think about the routes less traveled by them because you did not want them to see you standing with Sipho or Bafana at a corner looking all lovely dovey, unless your parents were, cool like that.

One thing I hated about daylight checkers was “the patrolling”, eish – they call it taking a walk but she is showing you off to her hood. I did not like that at all, I am from soccer practice I want to sit down not walk 5km WTF.

If you are sixteen and still in high school then maybe you would accept such but at my age, I am not even going to front, I will not travel down that route again. Ke summer nou die las, le tla be le fiswa ke le tsatsi (sunscreen ya tura Shem, heck it is not even on your shopping list). When it rains you must cancel your appointment because le tloba metsi from the rain, ka winter ge? When people are chilling indoors infront of their warm coal stoves or heaters wena u busy no Themba outside with the temperature at 2 degrees Celsius.

So ladies if you’re older than 18, leave the corners for the kids, the streets are their turf and should not be ours. Magents u ku checka is childish, trust me having your own place is amazing, as drake says, “location is everything” – the blowjob fairytale is not street corner friendly. As for the romantics there is nothing one can do to please his woman at a street corner, it is tiring to hold flowers for an hour, and it is an insult if she puts them on the ground.

You think this is cute, imagine if this was in the hood.

Moral of the story is, stop dating people without privacy, one of you has to have their own place, a proper relationship needs an element of intimacy far away from the world, just the two of you. Make it happen, away from street a corner that is…

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    3 Responses

    1. Hahahahahaha…. gone are those days, being so unromantic and a major turn off.

    1. September 15, 2012

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